Last year around this time I wrote about “Take the Line Down, Its Not Laundry Day.” However, today, I will write about Cleaning Day. There have been many different situations weighing on mind lately. Over the past year, I have experienced problems, people that have:
a. Caused significant grief
b. Hurt me inexplicably
c. Betrayed with words or actions
We can all testify that each year, we can basically remember a few names to put with the above categories. Some of these hurts and woes are minor and do not weigh heavy on us, but then there are other specific ones that do. In both of these situations, I did what I felt was the best action for me, which would be to cut them off. One group was doing the stalker actions and judging me wrongfully. The other I trusted with my whole heart and they took advantage of that and in the end, hurt me beyond words. I am one to put my wrongs in front of me and try to somehow find a right in it. I like to work out problems and situations, and contrary to popular belief, I am very approachable.
a. Caused significant grief
b. Hurt me inexplicably
c. Betrayed with words or actions
We can all testify that each year, we can basically remember a few names to put with the above categories. Some of these hurts and woes are minor and do not weigh heavy on us, but then there are other specific ones that do. In both of these situations, I did what I felt was the best action for me, which would be to cut them off. One group was doing the stalker actions and judging me wrongfully. The other I trusted with my whole heart and they took advantage of that and in the end, hurt me beyond words. I am one to put my wrongs in front of me and try to somehow find a right in it. I like to work out problems and situations, and contrary to popular belief, I am very approachable.
I cannot stand people who are in ministry who gossip about other people, but they never go to that person. I have done my share of that, believe me… but I always, and always go to a person if I have a problem with them. I don’t talk about them to my family and friends, I go to them. Isn’t that supposed to be our Christian service? What it comes down to, is that people who know nothing of me, are judging me, although their own faults are on display. They are a fake to my face and turn around and talk about me even to my closest friends. So I did what I thought was right, I attempted to talk it out. But all I was met with was lies, so that resulted in the cut off stage.
I don’t feel that when I cut someone off per se that they are forever cut off from me, but if I have made an attempt to fix a problem and it is shot down, then it is their responsibility to come to me. I will not give them even more fuel to burn their continuous gossip fires. But when it comes down to the end of the day, we can sweep all of our problems under the rug. I am good at that, I just vent for a day, and then sweep all my troubles underneath my trusty rug. I go on about my life, and have forgotten about all that I have hidden.
My other situation is completely different in its entirety. I experienced hurt like never before this past year. I looked through a book/journal that I wrote my thoughts in over the past year, and I was amazed at the words I had written. In the past year, I have had the best and the worst of times. I experienced consuming love for it to be turned to overwhelming sorrow of losing a friend. There were so many experiences and instances that are forever embedded in my mind and heart. I still feel like my time with this person was limited but there were thousands of memories that took place. Again in this situation, I cut him off. I can’t even imagine having a conversation with the person I used to call my best friend. You can effectively push someone so far out of mind and out of sight that you can literally not imagine sitting across from them again or beside them. Where there was complete comfort is now utter despise-ment. I am most certain it is both ways. It does confuse me though how people can change their feelings so quickly. So this situation including the other group situation, I have swept underneath the rug. This rug is my comfort zone… I hide everything so I don’t have to face it on a daily basis, so that I won’t see its inconsistencies and all the hurt and confusion. But sometimes, situations, words or perhaps an old song will bring those memories to surface and the rug is ripped up and all of a sudden whether you want to or not, it’s cleaning day. You have to address the problems you have so carefully hidden, because they ARE still there and they have NOT been resolved.
I don’t feel that when I cut someone off per se that they are forever cut off from me, but if I have made an attempt to fix a problem and it is shot down, then it is their responsibility to come to me. I will not give them even more fuel to burn their continuous gossip fires. But when it comes down to the end of the day, we can sweep all of our problems under the rug. I am good at that, I just vent for a day, and then sweep all my troubles underneath my trusty rug. I go on about my life, and have forgotten about all that I have hidden.
My other situation is completely different in its entirety. I experienced hurt like never before this past year. I looked through a book/journal that I wrote my thoughts in over the past year, and I was amazed at the words I had written. In the past year, I have had the best and the worst of times. I experienced consuming love for it to be turned to overwhelming sorrow of losing a friend. There were so many experiences and instances that are forever embedded in my mind and heart. I still feel like my time with this person was limited but there were thousands of memories that took place. Again in this situation, I cut him off. I can’t even imagine having a conversation with the person I used to call my best friend. You can effectively push someone so far out of mind and out of sight that you can literally not imagine sitting across from them again or beside them. Where there was complete comfort is now utter despise-ment. I am most certain it is both ways. It does confuse me though how people can change their feelings so quickly. So this situation including the other group situation, I have swept underneath the rug. This rug is my comfort zone… I hide everything so I don’t have to face it on a daily basis, so that I won’t see its inconsistencies and all the hurt and confusion. But sometimes, situations, words or perhaps an old song will bring those memories to surface and the rug is ripped up and all of a sudden whether you want to or not, it’s cleaning day. You have to address the problems you have so carefully hidden, because they ARE still there and they have NOT been resolved.
I hate cleaning day, I have to put the old clothes of yesterday on, and I have to deal with the problems and pray that tomorrow they can just be swept back under the good ol’ rug to be saved for the next cleaning day. Today is cleaning day for me, I am dealing with the problems I have so adequately hidden. I am saddened, but confident that everything is going to be alright. Today is cleaning day, but tomorrow everything will be absolutely okay. Forever and always.
1 comment:
Some people find relief in writing down their issues and burning them in a fire! I think taking all that stuff under the rug and incinerating is a wonderful idea. It is true that not dealing with those issues can come back to bite ya in the end!
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