Previously in one of my blog entries, I spoke on a married ex and his whole new relationship with me, and so I would like to update that first of all, and then I would like to talk about another ex. This entire entry will be focused completely on the "ex-files."
As discussed previously, I have an ex who is now married, but he has been calling me at work, leaving messages on myspace, and I am trying to avoid him. I know how important it is for me to let this ex and his new wife have a smooth life, and that is why I have been avoiding him. Everytime we talk or he calls my work, we only talk about us and what we once shared. His new thing is, that he would like to make me feel guilty, which happens even without his help. Finally, the other day I just told him that for a while we need to just not talk and go back to how it used to be. Why all of a sudden does he think he can call me and make amends? He wrote me an email that said, "You are Carrie from Sex and the City and I am Big." I was stunned... 2 min later, he calls my work phone. I informed him that Carrie and Big end up getting together, although Big was married to someone else. I then continued to explain that that would not happen to/for us. Trouble always seeks me out, seriously...?
If all that is not enough, I found out another ex has moved back to St. Louis from a northern state. I have not seen this particular ex in about 4 years, and he and I have spoken off and on. We have had some conversations about our relationship and what went wrong, but nothing has ever occurred and although he has spoke of going out on a date, we knew that would not happen since he lived too far away. In August, we talked and I have never spoken to him since because he was such a jerk to me that day on the phone. When I heard he moved to St. Louis, I freaked out, because I realize that I will be frequenting that area, plus considering moving back. I definitely do not want him to call me, much less live in the same area as me. Well two days later, I am online and he instant messages me, apologizing for his last conversation. We end up talking for 2 hours or so, and now he is super excited about me coming to St. Louis here in a few months. He wants to go out on dates, spend quality time with me, and I am already done. I was done with that relationship four years ago, when he walked out of my life.
What happens when a relationship goes bad, is that there is always a silent time. You don't speak, you don't really ask about them, it's the cut-off stage. People say their name and you just go on with life as if you had never heard that particular name before. Then comes the day, when they just call you up, pretend like everything is okay. Everything is not okay. I can't help but remember how both of these guys used me four years ago, how they are attempting to use me now. They don't even know me now, they are just assuming nothing has changed in the last 4 years, but everything has changed. Everything. I have more self-respect this time around, I have a better relationship with myself, and I expect more out of life than someone's leftovers. Who I once was, I no longer am. These two guys made a huge impact on my love life years ago, but they do not get a second chance to get close to me.
What if life was not full of second chances? Maybe we would not take the first chance of hurting someone, maybe we would be careful of their feelings, maybe, just maybe I would be happy now. Apparently I have a radar for those who want to just use someone, discard of them when they choose, and then act as if nothing was ever wrong. And apparently, I am a walking target for guys who choose to like me, but want to hide everything we share, and lie about it to their wives, best friends, etc. And it seems like a routine for me to "date" someone only to have our entire relationship be placed into oblivion, and when they feel like it they call years later to reconcile. No thank you... This time around I am not trying to add an extra name to the ex-files. I don't open those files, pull them out and go over the information within them. I don't look for an emergency contact number, and when I am lonely or bored, call them. Next time I am in a ex-file area, I will be sure to have my guard up to prevent myself from awkward situations and unnecessary conversations. And most importantly, I will be very careful to let those files stay private, it's better that way... avoid, cut off, forget and move on... what a fun journey this has been through the ex-files.
As discussed previously, I have an ex who is now married, but he has been calling me at work, leaving messages on myspace, and I am trying to avoid him. I know how important it is for me to let this ex and his new wife have a smooth life, and that is why I have been avoiding him. Everytime we talk or he calls my work, we only talk about us and what we once shared. His new thing is, that he would like to make me feel guilty, which happens even without his help. Finally, the other day I just told him that for a while we need to just not talk and go back to how it used to be. Why all of a sudden does he think he can call me and make amends? He wrote me an email that said, "You are Carrie from Sex and the City and I am Big." I was stunned... 2 min later, he calls my work phone. I informed him that Carrie and Big end up getting together, although Big was married to someone else. I then continued to explain that that would not happen to/for us. Trouble always seeks me out, seriously...?
If all that is not enough, I found out another ex has moved back to St. Louis from a northern state. I have not seen this particular ex in about 4 years, and he and I have spoken off and on. We have had some conversations about our relationship and what went wrong, but nothing has ever occurred and although he has spoke of going out on a date, we knew that would not happen since he lived too far away. In August, we talked and I have never spoken to him since because he was such a jerk to me that day on the phone. When I heard he moved to St. Louis, I freaked out, because I realize that I will be frequenting that area, plus considering moving back. I definitely do not want him to call me, much less live in the same area as me. Well two days later, I am online and he instant messages me, apologizing for his last conversation. We end up talking for 2 hours or so, and now he is super excited about me coming to St. Louis here in a few months. He wants to go out on dates, spend quality time with me, and I am already done. I was done with that relationship four years ago, when he walked out of my life.
What happens when a relationship goes bad, is that there is always a silent time. You don't speak, you don't really ask about them, it's the cut-off stage. People say their name and you just go on with life as if you had never heard that particular name before. Then comes the day, when they just call you up, pretend like everything is okay. Everything is not okay. I can't help but remember how both of these guys used me four years ago, how they are attempting to use me now. They don't even know me now, they are just assuming nothing has changed in the last 4 years, but everything has changed. Everything. I have more self-respect this time around, I have a better relationship with myself, and I expect more out of life than someone's leftovers. Who I once was, I no longer am. These two guys made a huge impact on my love life years ago, but they do not get a second chance to get close to me.
What if life was not full of second chances? Maybe we would not take the first chance of hurting someone, maybe we would be careful of their feelings, maybe, just maybe I would be happy now. Apparently I have a radar for those who want to just use someone, discard of them when they choose, and then act as if nothing was ever wrong. And apparently, I am a walking target for guys who choose to like me, but want to hide everything we share, and lie about it to their wives, best friends, etc. And it seems like a routine for me to "date" someone only to have our entire relationship be placed into oblivion, and when they feel like it they call years later to reconcile. No thank you... This time around I am not trying to add an extra name to the ex-files. I don't open those files, pull them out and go over the information within them. I don't look for an emergency contact number, and when I am lonely or bored, call them. Next time I am in a ex-file area, I will be sure to have my guard up to prevent myself from awkward situations and unnecessary conversations. And most importantly, I will be very careful to let those files stay private, it's better that way... avoid, cut off, forget and move on... what a fun journey this has been through the ex-files.
1 comment:
Amen, amen, and amen! Self-respect is one of the most valuable assets a woman can have. Kudos to you for not allowing losers (and MARRIED ones at that!) back into your life.
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