Past=Passed

I am aware that most likely no one will read this, because it has been so long since I've posted, however, I need to write this for me. I have no idea where to begin to pen all the thoughts racing through my mind today. For the last month or so, I have found that my past has really caught up with me, quickly. Moments, situations, relationships from my past have suddenly became a common daily occurrence, and it is really beginning to become a foolish game. I am amazed at how much I have changed in the last year and a half and then on the other hand, I am equally amazed at how much I haven't. People from my past have been miraculously appearing out of no where, flaunting their new lives, yet begging to be a part of mine again. And sometimes I cannot rationalize that these people, who had previously made such an impact in my past, have no future with me now. Either they have so much baggage that they are incapable of having a friendship, or are married and expect me to continue our "relationship" as if nothing has conspired in the last 10 years. I am amazed at the lack of faithfulness and consideration for the people involved in the lives of my past relationships. I am more amazed that people would just "assume" that I would pick up where we left off years ago and continue a forbidden relationship as if I have no conscience whatsoever. I cannot begin to express how done I am with all these past "whatevers" and everything they think they are bringing to the table. I am not interested, I am not second choice or second rate, my mind is not so warped that I would go into the very recesses of a past life for any form of gratification. Period.

Have you ever thought that people underestimate you? That when you are talked about you are considered to be a certain person, and that definition changes in whatever group you are in at the moment. So many people have this unbelievable idea of who I am and what I am about. I am not the same person I was in high school, I am definitely not the same person I was in college. You grow up and grow out of the things that you used to participate freely in, whatever they may be. People who think they can predict my next move in life, or can predict my reaction to a situation, is most certainly mislead. I deal with situations different, because I've learned from each of my thousands of mistakes. The mistakes I made last year, I refuse to make again. The mistakes that I participated in this year, I've already learned from and will be staying far from those. I am not predictable, so I wish people would just stop worrying about my life and the way I lead it.

For all of those, who think they have an idea of my feelings toward certain people and situations, know this, that the people you trust the most are the most untrustworthy people in existence. I have too long let the people who hurt me the most, back into my life, exclusively. However, I have learned that for now, the choice to try to reconcile was absolutely wrong. For far too long, I have excused and attempted to make amends, and now I am labeling it in the past or also know as "passed." I am amazed at the lack of class that some people exude and am even more amazed that at some point, I thought they were worth my time. Word of mouth somehow finds its way back to every person in the most round-a-bout way. And most of the time when it reaches the main subject, just know that the words have been twisted into oblivion. People think they are telling "friends" information, but what they are doing is telling me through another person. Thank you for your consideration of my feelings.

The past truly needs to be passed, and tomorrow I will not feel this way again. I have learned that the past is cluttered with anger and mistakes and we need to somehow get past that. If we dont bury the past, it will greatly affect our future. And then there comes a moment when we simply have to face the challenges in our lives and stop backing down, this is what I am doing. I am letting the past be passed...