Confused

I am so confused today... finals are officially over. But I am still up at four am and I am so sleepy but my sleep patterns are so off. Not only that I have been performing in an ongoing battle with two different groups of friends. Well except one group is all against one person. In essence, all these people are against this one person that I continue to associate with, against my better judgment and future peace and happiness. I have come to the realization that I have seriously been presenting myself as a fool. I have made some exceptions for some people and have purposefully made excuses for them, hoping and believing that they would prove true in the end. And what has happened you ask?

Well let me explain... now the cause that I put all my faith in, has done exactly what I warned myself against. I opened up every door to my soul, broke down all the walls I had carefully built in order to protect me. It seems like that before they got to know me, they would ask people about me, questioning my character, my life decisions. So then began the process of trying to get to know me. They would strive diligently to capture my attention and all of it. Once they gained that position, things began to change. Now they don't want to be around me, now they take advantage of what they once envied.

I cannot deal with this... ugh. I am seriously so confused right now. Everyone is saying for me to end this, to not participate in the madness. Me, the queen of dryness and cuts, cannot do what I have taught and shown so many people to do. The followers cannot believe this... they question my abilities and my true feelings. I question myself. Why do I continue to live this life full of worry, regret, and coaxing. This is not me. I need to remember that I am a strong, powerful woman. That who I am, was not formed overnight, but has been a life process that was not given to me, but earned. I can't make any more excuses for you. I cannot continue to block out all the negativity. Its not control you desire, but instead you are using me for your own pleasure, to gain positions and titles. You are on your own. I have not a place for you anymore.