Forever and Always

I sit here trying to understand, trying to piece back together
A puzzle so confusing, and complex
How could you do this? How are you capable of such hurt?
You denied me; you left me with no shoulder to lean on
You turned away from me, when I was broken
Your promises have turned into lies that drip from your mouth
What was once love is now replaced with maliciousness?
I know not who you are, nor care to find out
For the last time you have taken my insecurities and
Distributed them to whom you desire
I’ve been made a fool, I laugh at my own calamity
I look at the proof of who we once were
And only see the lies of which it was made
For what we attempt to hide can develop a life of its own
It’s a life; I choose not to live any longer
You have not only caused me grief, but
Have prevented anyone else from knowing the real me
I have done myself an injustice, as you walk
Away justifying all that we were to better entertain
Soon you will have disappeared, but are not forgotten
Your grip has wrenched my very soul into a twisted
Character of mistrust and bitterness
I pray that God will hear my desperation for solitude
Grant me the peace and sanity that I am robbed of
If there is another opportunity to love another,
I will only see your face
As I reach out and slowly withdraw from fear, I
Will curse your very existence
When I finally do love again, I will cling to that which
Is right and perfect, not a fight, not a lie
And I will know I found the right man.
No betrayal, no discontent, no struggle
But perfect, just as it always will be.
Forever and always.

Chorale Tour 2007

Officially we have been on chorale tour for a week now; I cannot even begin to tell all the stories that have transpired. All the crazy places we have stayed the night in, the repulsive food that people feed us or the annoyance of certain people on our tour bus. We have experienced God in ways that I had forgotten was possible. I found myself lying prostrate on the ground, humbled and weeping before the Lord. I felt so exhilarated after that particular service, because I realized that I had to be completely broken before Him to effectively minister to the people in the services. I prayed for 3 women that night, and God spoke through me to each of them. I heard myself speaking words of wisdom, encouragement, and blessing, that only God, Himself could actually have known. Afterwards, my heart was overwhelmed with the intensity of our services, and all I could do was close my eyes and thank God for His awesome presence.

So many times in my life, I realize that everything I do is pretty much on a wide screen tv for everyone to see. These people that we meet know who we are before we even get there, they have heard us, seen us, or know someone who knows us. It's crazy!!! After we sing and finish praying, so many people come up to me and shower me with their compliments and sometimes what they say is so genuine. It honestly touches my heart every time someone speaks something to be concerning my ministry. I cannot even begin to express how relieved I feel when someone confirms what I prayed over them or that my testimony somehow related to or touched them. And of course there are the people that compliment us on how well we sing, which is normal, but my favorite is when they act like we are celebrities! Ha! I love it!!! Some people are so absolutely amazing and then others so very special. But this chorale tour so far has been wonderful, and God is really blessing each and every one of us!