Valentine's Day is so cliche... yes I know... everyone around me is so excited about candy, roses, kisses. I stand back with a smirk on my face, not wanting to even be a part of this day. I would rather lay in my bed all day, listening to music, being alone. I am used to being alone, and love the solitude of being by myself. Someone asked me yesterday if I ever am so sick of love because it hurts so bad? But then they went on to say, that yet they could not live without love. It made me realize, that I have been trying to define love as something that everyone else thinks it is... but love in my mind is different. Love is being comfortable, being able to cry, and most of all, being able to lay on the floor and talk without strings attached. With no supposed, cliche idea of what love is. Love is not physical, its not complicated, its shared between true friends. I love so many people... but there is a love that is only for a few, which is something I desire to keep and strive to strengthen it. I love my idea of love... its not a marriage love, its not a dating love. Its a I'm-always-going-to-be-here love. Its steadfast, with cords that are stronger than any other. Its an unspoken word of contentment, and the peace of a simple act. It causes all my trust issues to disappear for a moment, and it causes me to believe in the act of true and devout friendship. Its not something that I can efficiently explain, its just real. I desire realness in my life, in more areas than ever. If you think you can explain it, you are wrong... its unexplainable. Its a mutual agreement between friends that no one can drive apart or attempt to change. Its just us... No strings attached...
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
No Strings Attached
Valentine's Day is so cliche... yes I know... everyone around me is so excited about candy, roses, kisses. I stand back with a smirk on my face, not wanting to even be a part of this day. I would rather lay in my bed all day, listening to music, being alone. I am used to being alone, and love the solitude of being by myself. Someone asked me yesterday if I ever am so sick of love because it hurts so bad? But then they went on to say, that yet they could not live without love. It made me realize, that I have been trying to define love as something that everyone else thinks it is... but love in my mind is different. Love is being comfortable, being able to cry, and most of all, being able to lay on the floor and talk without strings attached. With no supposed, cliche idea of what love is. Love is not physical, its not complicated, its shared between true friends. I love so many people... but there is a love that is only for a few, which is something I desire to keep and strive to strengthen it. I love my idea of love... its not a marriage love, its not a dating love. Its a I'm-always-going-to-be-here love. Its steadfast, with cords that are stronger than any other. Its an unspoken word of contentment, and the peace of a simple act. It causes all my trust issues to disappear for a moment, and it causes me to believe in the act of true and devout friendship. Its not something that I can efficiently explain, its just real. I desire realness in my life, in more areas than ever. If you think you can explain it, you are wrong... its unexplainable. Its a mutual agreement between friends that no one can drive apart or attempt to change. Its just us... No strings attached...
Friday, February 9, 2007
Statement of Today
I am trying to remember the time that I slept peacefully. Slept without the worries of tomorrow and the memories of the day gone by. I wake up reaching out for something that will never be there. My dreams are made up of inconsistencies. My dreams are haunted by my fear of the future. I am doing nothing to further my own future because I am so caught up in moments that are barely efficient for today, much less for the next minute. For the past few mornings, I have woken up early, and as soon as I focus for a second, my heart is filled with an overwhelming sense of fear and anger. I hate being alone, because as soon as I am alone, I am filled with regret and maliciousness.
Lately, I have found myself surrounding myself with people, more than ever, and acting crazy, in desperate attempts to convince myself that I am truly happy. I have been listening to this old song by Mariah Carey that says, "She smiles through a thousand tears, and harbors adolescent fears. She dreams of all that she could never be, she wades in insecurities. And hides herself inside of me." My mind is so cloudy and I desire a night of true rest. I do not want anymore dreams, I do not want anymore memories. My eyes remain dry, but my heart sheds all tears. My hands reach out, yet they are tied with cords of protection. I cast my eyes down, but look over my shoulder at what could have been, what has not been even through all my pretending. My statement for today is: "My heart believed a lie, but now it knows the truth, and it will never trust again."
Lately, I have found myself surrounding myself with people, more than ever, and acting crazy, in desperate attempts to convince myself that I am truly happy. I have been listening to this old song by Mariah Carey that says, "She smiles through a thousand tears, and harbors adolescent fears. She dreams of all that she could never be, she wades in insecurities. And hides herself inside of me." My mind is so cloudy and I desire a night of true rest. I do not want anymore dreams, I do not want anymore memories. My eyes remain dry, but my heart sheds all tears. My hands reach out, yet they are tied with cords of protection. I cast my eyes down, but look over my shoulder at what could have been, what has not been even through all my pretending. My statement for today is: "My heart believed a lie, but now it knows the truth, and it will never trust again."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
